It isn't' that I have been avoiding you all. I have been on hiatus, wanting nothing more than to sit with you and discuss the details of my life. However, dear friends, I am unable to talk about much more than the adoption and we have no new news to share. We are anxiously awaiting our referral and if I hear "any day now" or "soon" one more time I might bust.
I am not one for keeping secrets. Well, let me rephrase immediately for fear you all will stop telling me anything. I am not much for keeping my own secrets. I don't believe in them. I don't believe you should conduct yourself in a way that causes secrets. Of course, I have deep inner thoughts that I don't discuss with the person in front of me at the grocery store, but I am talking about everyday things. Like, being pregnant for instance. I am the kind of person that tells everyone (including miss budding pants in front of me at the grocery store) the minute I find out. I don't believe it is because I told my friends and family and recent strangers that I lost my babies. I don't think I jinxed each pregnancy at all. I don't think I got my hopes up and that is why I have to become disappointed. In fact, I am so happy I told everyone because when I lost each baby, it was those same people I told that were there for Darryl and I. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
The reason I bring this up is because, now that we are adopting, I am kind of regretting telling the world so early. I even have a blog - well, you know. It is just that I hate having to tell people time and time again, "no news" or "nothing yet" or the dreaded "any day now". I am glad for the blog, it helps me vent, provides information for others adopting or hoping to adopt, is my constant friend when I am lonely or bored at work. It is just that I feel that each time someone brings it up that I am disappointing THEM? I know, it is weird. How could that be?
Please, don't get me wrong. This is not a post to ask you all to stop caring about Darryl and I and Amara. I am not asking you to stop asking. I want to discuss at any given minute (even if you had a slight question and called me at 2 am). It is just that I feel like I am disappointing you. However irrational, that is how I feel. So, dear friends, family and fellow adopters. I am so sorry but we have no news yet!
Love you.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
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2 comments:
Love you too Annie! I love that you have your blog here. Not until I started reading it did I realize the depth of this whole process and how trying it could be on oneself. I knew it was hard and so on but when I read your blogs I feel what you and Darryl are going through in my heart. Well not totally... as that can only be you :-) But there is only so much you can say in one conversation and how often can you get together in today's busy life. Here we have a constant update and know how you are feeling. Here you can describe your thoughts and feelings and we get it! Keep it going! Never feel like you are disappointing anyone with no new news. Everyone is anxious yes... for you... but nothing compared to what you feel!
Your blog is a wonderful way to keep everyone updated on what's going on...even if there is no updating to do. You're not disappointing anybody with "no news" as we all check this blog to see how YOU are doing, how you are feeling, what sort of day you've had playing the waiting game. We only want you guys to be happy, you could never let us down by letting us in on your hopes and fears. After all, we're not looking at the blog just to see when Amara comes home, because we know everyone will be shouting it from the rooftops when you finally get the news! Whenever I take a moment to "connect" I can feel your frustration, anger, hope and love. The blog is your chance to vent your feelings and you should use it to let us all know what you're going through and I'm sure you're helping a lot of people who are going through the same thing. Keep up the "good work" and know that we are all here for you both.
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