FAQ and Other Rantings

So it has been so long since I posted and I have no new news. I am patiently waiting. I have tried to think of things to occupy our time. So next weekend my in-laws, my 5 year old niece and my mother and her boyfriend and of course Darryl and I are all attending UMOJA http://www.umojatheshow.com/. We are hoping to get a cultural experience as well as spend some quality time as a family and one bonus is, we will have spent the evening enthralled with the show and not concentrating on when the ministry approval gets here. I am so excited. I am eager to see how my niece reacts. It is supposed to be a fabulous show and supposed to be a lot of fun. Yeah - can't wait.
Also, I thought I could use this latent time to go over some frequently asked questions that I am experiencing on a daily basis. Some of them completely offend me, however, I try to keep in mind that I am not the only newbie to this process and many people don't know how to react and haven't had time before hand to think out their questions. With that in mind, I will patiently answer these questions. Perhaps, if you have questions that aren't on this list, you can leave a comment and I will try to address at a later date.

Is your child going to be black?
Yes.

How long does the process take from beginning to end?
Well, it is really hard to say. That is part of the torturous part of the process. Zambia is a brand new program with not one child in Canada that has been adopted from Zambia YET. This can be a benefit to us (less red tape then some other countries shortening the timeline) or a detriment (as there are so many unsures). Once our file is in Zambia, we have been quoted a 10-12 week wait until we receive our referral and then another 90 day wait to go and get her. We estimate that from beginning to end, the process should take 1 year. That means, worst case scenario, our baby will be here by next Christmas. But because this is such a new program it has yet to be tested and so I am essentially waiting to see how long it takes for all those couples waiting in front of us.

How much will it cost?
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS - 20-30 thousand with most of the money being for the trip to Zambia for both me and Darryl and lawyers, administrative fees. There are other fees in there which help go towards the orphanage the baby will stay in. I don't blame most of you for asking as I was curious before we started the process but if you really think about it, it is a really personal question. And besides the process and results are priceless to us!

Can you not have your "own" kids?
Well, first of all, this child will be our "own". But, can we have biological kids? Yes. And I can say that with all certainty as we have gone through extensive testing because of the miscarriages. (Also another very personal question but there it is out there)
We have chosen to adopt to start our family to put quite simply, logistically it makes sense. We want a baby to raise and grow with and to teach and nurture and love and there are so many babies out there that need mums and dads, why not adopt?

How is your family taking it?
Our families are great. We knew they would be. All the grandparents are really excited and our friend's support is unparallel. This is what we are most grateful for in life.

Why not adopt locally?
This question is hard to answer as it is usually asked with some resentment in the individual's voice. I have heard "the problem starts here" more often then not and all I can say is this is a personal choice for Darryl and I. It is not part of a larger political problem as many can agree that Canada's foster care system is not the best and yes, we could have a baby out of the foster system and it would probably be easier. We have chosen Africa, specifically Zambia, because we want to. End of story. We are excited to add her culture to our family and learn with her about the culture. There are also other, less significant, factors such as wait times in Canada are tremendous, costs are still quite high (if not adopting through CAS), opportunity to adopt a BABY in Canada is quite low, all adoptions are open to visitation from birth families, risk of bio-parents coming later in life to claim their child, etc. I deeply resent our personal journey towards a baby and our personal choice, being examined by individuals who have other beliefs. Mind your business.

This question wouldn't be so bad if it was worded, "Why Zambia" however, it rarely is. It is almost always why NOT here? Well, I find that to imply that local adoptions are better or expected or politically more relevant.

I know, dear reader, that I sound a bit harsh here. It is just a bit of frustration with listening to the opinions of others about my life for the past two months. I don't need your opinion, I really need your support. This is the hardest thing we have ever done and without the support of those around us, I can't imagine that we would even be this far in the process.