Reflections

Today my mother and her boyfriend move from 30 minutes away to the street next to mine. They are so excited about this baby coming that in preparation of her arrival, they decided to move closer. This has inspired me to think about my mother and what she means to me, what family means to me in general and what values I will be able pass on to our baby. My mother always told me that as long as you love your child unconditionally and give them two gifts they will be fine.

1) The ability to make a proper choice

2) A healthy self-esteem

With these two things in tow, they will be able to face any obstacle, overcome any challenge and be true to who they are in the process. I believe her. In facing the challenge of a cross-cultural adoption, I have been thinking intensely about how to incorporate the African culture into our family, how to teach her to combat racism and come out with a healthy self-esteem, how to teach her to answer questions about her story and looking back now on this adoption journey so far, that thinking about has turned to outright fear. What if I am not equipped to help her? What if I can never wholly relate to her challenges and I am not enough support for her? But, if I really think about what my mother has taught me over the course of my life, I can equip her to deal with these things on her own. I will never truly be able to understand her challenges, etc. but I can give her the self-esteem to deal with them. I can never be there every time she faces an ignorant question or comment, but I can teach her that in these circumstances she has a choice. She can act with dignity and pride or get angry and hold that anger close to her.

I am grateful to my mother for all the gifts she gave to me. I just hope that our daughter will one day feel that way about me. Because if she does, I will know I have done my job.