Today I am sad.
Incredibly full of self-pity.
Today I feel like I am the ONLY person going through this.
Today I am SICK of waiting.
Today I am full of doubt and what ifs and regret.
Today I miss smoking.
Today I miss my babies and my belly and my sore boobs and saucer nipples and the feeling of being pregnant.
Today I miss Zambia.
Today I have lost sight of Amara, I can't picture holding her, smelling the small of her neck, kissing her little lips or rocking her to sleep. I can't feel her because she doesn't exist.
Today I am so fed up with getting my hopes up.
Today I wish I had prayer like so many of my friends because I would have something to do other than sitting here and feeling this way - I would have hope.
Today I have NO tolerance for hearing parents complain about their children - NO TOLERANCE!
Should be better tomorrow - Today is a bad day.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down. I know it likely won't help, but you are not alone. We have been waiting for our daughter from China since January of 2006. In that time, we have lost three babies and it has been very difficult. You are supported and I hope you can feel it. You are allowed to feel down...feel it.
I'm also so sorry that you're having such a tough day. You are definitely NOT alone but I know how it feels to feel like you are.
As the above poster said, it is O.K. to feel down. Treat yourself to something that will cheer you up, you deserve it!
Hope tomorrow is brighter :) Thinking of you! Hugs :)
I'm am really sorry you are feeling so bad. I have had my moments as well. Sometimes it seems like such a long road ahead . . . But we do not have to walk it alone, and that is very comforting to me. I don't know if you believe in the Bible or not but I hope you are not offended by my sharing a favorite text.
"So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
That passage has seen me through many a dreary day. Take care,
Alysia
Here from LFCA: (((Hugs))) so sorry that you are having a bad day. We are all entitled to them sometime. I hope and pray that tomorrow is better.
Here from LFCA. All I can do is offer hugs and wishes that things become better soon.
Here from LFCA. I don't have any original thoughts, or words of wisdom, but please know that you have a whole community of people sending you love!
Hi and thanks for the note on our blog. You're very welcome. It seems that no matter what I am going through, God leads me to the right part of the Bible for that particular situation, and I find encouraging words. I'm glad those words comforted you also.
Alysia
Here from L&F. Thinking of you. ((HUGS)))
Here from LFCA to say I'm sorry it's such a sad day. Wishing good things for you.
There are days where I fear the "what if" this never happens...and it rarely feels terribly real to me, yet. And I get that lingering feeling about the loss of Zambia...and then I hope I am/can be just as sure & committed to our new direction as we were to Zambia, which I believe we are, but it takes getting used to.
Here from L&F
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. (((HUGS)))
Hang in there! You WILL get there I promise. This is such a tough time but you are not alone and everything you're feeling...have at it. Totally understandable. Your internet friends are here for you. You will look back on this someday and, believe it or not, miss the excitement.
Post a Comment